Part 1 of a 2 part Series: “Commitment and Self-Love are the hardest parts.”
“Commitment and Self-Love are the hardest parts.”
This is what an awesome lady said to me in a FB message exchange last week.
We were messaging about the weight-loss journey I’d been on and she commented on how hard work paid off.
I commented that it didn’t feel so hard when I learned the tools commitment and self-love.
And then she said it: “Commitment and Self-Love are the hardest parts.”
It hit me so profoundly…that statement stuck with me and then…
I remembered when I didn’t have step-by-step tools to create commitment and self-love and…
Dang, that was hard.
It’s was hard because I didn’t understand what was going on with my brain, my body and my emotions.
It was hard because everything in human instinct wiring actually has you do the opposite of what works.
And I was trying to use only the human survival instinct tools of willpower, shaming, guilting, white-knuckling it…
And those tools NEVER work for long-term lasting change.
Can you relate?
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you felt like committing to the weight-loss process and learning or developing self-love are the hardest parts of this weight-loss process or journey?
And I hesitate to call it just a weight-loss process or journey any more, honestly.
Because it’s really a life change, a creating of your heart’s desire process and journey.
It’s really a creating of understanding not only your body, but your brain, and your relationships with yourself, your family and your whole world.
It’s a process of healing of all those things and creating freedom, joy, peace and love in the space where all that human survival instinct used to take up all your brain energy.
Getting back to the topic…
Ever wondered why commitment and self-love feel like the hardest parts?
Read on…let’s start to change that today.
WHY COMMITMENT FELLS SO HARD:
How often have you told yourself, “If I could just get committed, then I could lose the weight?”
How often have you told yourself, “I really want to, wanting is the easy part, but I can’t get committed?”
There’s a reason for this.
This is what the human brain is wired instinctively to do.
It’s wired to want to conserve as many calories as possible, so it’s not instinctive for most people to have all kinds of commitment tools in their toolbox.
What IS instinctive is:
1. Wanting to do it (not committing)
2. Not feeling capable of doing it
3. And giving up
4. Only seeing how many times you’ve failed in the past
5. And only using the instinctive part of your brain that ALWAYS defaults to the only looking at the PAST evidence (usually negative evidence) to think about solving and creating FUTURE goal…
Let’s dive in here…
It’s VERY hard to solve or create a future goal using the same old brain software programs from the past…because it’s like using the first version of the mac (remember that old bulky thing that just had zeros and ones and dots on in…to run the internet…)
IT DOESN’T work. (Ok, techies may have other info…but in theory, you get what I mean here)
This is the biggest problem with not being able to commit.
When contemplating committing to a new change, our brains are wired to default to look in our memory base for evidence of whether we’ve been successful or not at that particular task (long-term weight-loss, success in business, success in relationships whatever).
When the brain doesn’t find evidence of success with success in weight-loss in the past, it will automatically start to run an auto-pilot thought program (yes, think of it as a computer program) in the background of your brain “computer.”
That back ground program on auto-pilot that most of us aren’t aware of sounds something like this:
“This could be a possibility of failure, there is no evidence of success. Therefore this could lead to over-expending your brain and body’s energy and calories so it would be wise to conserve calories so you don’t over-expend your calories and therefore die.”
So this is really the background thought “software” program that is instinctively running for most people when they think of committing to learning to lose weight for good.
Another reason it feels so hard is because our instinctive survival brain is usually running a program of “all or nothing” or “black and white” or “either/or” thinking.
Meaning, it will go to extremes…it’s wired to see and default to the extremes.
This will sound like telling you that commitment has to look like:
Going to the gym 1-3 hours/5 days a week.
Never eating any sugar and flour ever again
Never eating any “bad things” ever again…
BEING PERFECT…which is an illusion, a lie of survival instinct.
And this pretty much ALWAYS FEELS TOOOOOOO BIG TO TACKLE.
SO WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU COMMIT IF THESE SURVIVAL BRAIN INSTINCTS ARE RUNNING IN THE BACKGROUND??
This is why commitment FEELS so hard.
It’s counter-instinctive to understand and talk back to that instinct survival system part of our brains.
But that is actually what is required and what works to enable you to really commit and create long-term weight loss or change in any area of your life.
TOOL#1: TALK BACK AND RE-DIRECT THE SURVIVAL INSTINCT PROGRAMS OF YOUR BRAIN
So…now that you know that this is the background program that is running…and that is what is is causing you not to commit, I invite you to acknowledge it and talk back to your brain.
Kindly. Kindly is important and I’ll discuss why in the section on Self-Love.
Talk back with these very effective questions:
1. What am I thinking right now? (Be quiet and actually listen.)
2. What is my brain telling me that is impossible right now?
3. What if that’s all a lie? (Hint: It usually is–just a lie coming from survival instinct’s desire to avoid “potential danger”.)
4. What “either/or”, “black and white”, or “all or nothing” extremes thinking is my brain coming up with now?
5. What could I do to commit to getting one step closer to my weight-loss heart’s desire goal today?
6. What one step can I take right now to move towards my weight-loss journey’s heart’s desire now, in the next hour, in the next 4 hours, in the next 24 hours?
After asking each question, stop and listen.
Stopping and listening are the crucial part of this process.
It allows your brain to do it’s amazing job…
When you ask questions like this, and you STOP AND LISTEN…
It’s actually shifting you to connect to your pre-frontal cortex instead of defaulting to the instinctive, auto-pilot parts of your brain (that are only concerned with survival not thrival).
And the pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain that has AMAZING PROBLEM SOLVING skills, rational thought, imagination and empowerment capabilities.
This is why it’s so important to ask one question at a time and give yourself quiet think time.
SIDE NOTE: This can be defined as a type of meditation…meditation is essentially quieting the mind…so it can heal, think, rest, rejuvenate etc. instead of being on crazy instinct, auto-pilot all the time AND…it helps your brain work more effectively.
After you ask these questions and quietly listen, you will be connected to your prefrontal cortex.
and your brain will have given you some ideas of what to do to commit and move one step forward.
And it’s important to ask the question about one step forward to mitigate the potential derailing of instinctive “all or nothing, black and white, either/or” thinking.
And this is how you actually commit.
You Ask Questions Kindly…especially questions #5 & 6.
THEN…You take that one step that your brain told you to take.
One STEP at a time.
You do that each day.
And then you build the mental muscles of learning to commit.
This is how you work WITH your brain instead of against it…
And this is how commitment gets easier.
And this is how you commit to your heart’s desired weight loss and life journey and process you most want.
And this is how you start to create your heart’s desire weight-loss goal permanently.
Join me next week when I discuss why self-love is the other hardest part and how to work with your brain instead of against it so it becomes so much easier too!
p.s. If you’re ready to learn how to really commit to your create long-term weight-loss goals and to learn to work with your brain instead of against it CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE your coaching consult strategy call now.