WHY IS IT SO EASY TO PUT EVERYTHING & EVERYONE ELSE FIRST & NOT TAKE CARE OF YOU?


Do you ever struggle to do things to take care of yourself? 

Do you take care of family members or work or staff needs before your own?

Have you ever noticed how this has run you in to the ground & caused you to feel like a deep, empty bucket? OK, that may sound a little dramatic, but that’s really what’s happening–WE ARE EMPTYING OURSELVES OUT.

My clients come to me & all of them have some type of putting other things before taking care of their basic needs like eating good food, moving their body & doing something to make sure their heart & spirits are in good shape. 

I used to to do this too. Sometimes I still do. Nothing’s gone wrong. It’s just how our brains are wired. 

My clients (and me) used to run around taking care of everyone else because they are super loving women. They are loving, giving, compassionate & want to bless the communities they live it. This is awesome. This is a gift….and…many of them were getting run down, their bodies had gained weight because they hadn’t put themselves on the “to-do” list AT ALL.

Again, nothing is wrong here. There is so much brain instinct at play & as we learn to understand our brains, we have more awareness & therefore power to have more of a balanced world: taking care of ourselves first & then choose how we most want to give to others from a meaningful, empowered state.

They There are several things going on & I’d like to share one today:

The human brain, especially one with more estrogen in it, is wired to want to make sure everyone around her is happy. I won’t go in to the detail here, but being part of an organization for many years that does social research on understanding men & women’s instincts has taught me some FASCINATING things about how to be compassionate with all of our brains.  (*** Both men & women have estrogen but as you know, women have A LOT more-and men & women have testosterone-but men have 10-30 times more than women do.) 

Some call this instinct people pleasing. 

I’ve even heard it called the “disease to please”. I don’t love that name because disease indicates “something is wrong” and it’s not. 

EXAMPLES:

Client A: A client’s brain used to tell that I was a “bad daughter” if she didn’t go help her mom at the drop of a hat.

Client B: One of my clients brains used to tell her that she had to take care of everyone around her at the expense so much so that she became really unwell.  

Client C: Struggled as she was planning her wedding to make sure everyone was happy.

After asking themselves this questions & coaching with me…

Client A: Learned that as she owned that her brain was telling her she was a “bad daughter” and learned that it wasn’t true, she learned to not worry as much about her mom, she learned to start asking her mom different questions to help her & she learned to just listen & not make anything mean anything about her. And the energy she had been using to worry about her mom & not being a good daughter, she is now using to kick booty in her promotion at work & to start walking again! And she’s lost weight! Her transformation in her relationship to her mom is inspiring!!

Client B: Learned that taking care of herself was actually the best gift she could give to others. As she takes care of herself, she has more of her patience, love & joy to give to her family. She’s lost a lot of weight, is moving better, feels better and has a new promise to herself: “Any time I go do something for someone else, I go and do something for me.” The balance she’s created is so inspiring.

Client C: Learned that she can’t control what others are thinking & feeling & when she is true to herself, taking care of herself, honoring herself first, she feels more empowered from a place of love as she interacts with all those involved & the anxiety around worrying about what others may think dissipates. So inspiring!!!

I could go on an on about the amazing things my clients are creating. They inspire me & it’s such an honor to be on this journey with them!

So…what did they do to get here–you know I’m going to say coaching right:)? 
Well, here are a few TIPS: 

They started by compassionately looking at their thought processes:
1. First,  they started by saying: what if no one is misbehaving here including me? And how can I just lovingly observe my brain?
2. Second, they asked themselves: what is my brain telling me I have to do to “make someone else happy” & we questioned that together. then we asked: can YOU really make anyone feel anything? This is not a trick question. The answer was & is NO. You CANNOT.
3. Third, ask yourself why you are wanting to go and do that thing for someone else instead of giving yourself a little time to exercise, have a good meal or take a brain break to journal etc.
4. THEN THIS IS THE MAGIC: Listen to the answer to number 3 and then ask WHY again, then ask, do I want to keep thinking that why or why not?
And just observe with lots of compassion…you’ll be amazed at what your amazing brain will help you create!!

Have a fabulous week!!

Love & hugs! 

Candy
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WARMTH, HUGS & LOVES TO YOU!

CANDY WRIGHT BURGOYNE, M.A.
CERTIFIED LIFE-COACH, WEIGHT-LOSS COACH, RELATIONSHIP & HEALING COACH
FREE YOUR JOY! COACHING