Have you ever turned to food to numb out the feelings of grief or sadness?
Then you might be human.
It’s not atypical to not understand how to interact with grief or sadness over a death, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of a friendship, or someone not meeting your expectations. It’s not atypical to turn to overeating, mindless eating, grabbing the ice cream…to process it instead of facing it & processing it in emotionally supportive intelligent ways.
We don’t learn this growing up. So, nothing is wrong with you if you turn to food to handle grief.
We don’t understand some of the typical reactions our survival brain (this is not your prefrontal cortex, this is your instinct, your primitive survival instinct) has to process grief.
One of THE MOST TYPICAL reactions to grief that our survival brain has in it’s tool box is to fight against it or argue with it (fight instinct).
IT IS essentially saying, IT SHOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED & BASICALLY ARGUING WITH REALITY THAT IT DID.
IT’S JUST ANOTHER VERSION OF “FOCUS ON WHAT IS WRONG NOW…SO YOU CAN AVOID IT AND STAY ALIVE”.
It can sound like this:
“This should never have happened.”
“If he had taken better care of himself, it never would have happened.”
“If I had just been a better friend, wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, daughter, family member, co-worker, then this never would have happened.”
“If I had just___________, then it wouldn’t have happened that way.”
“I should have…..then it wouldn’t have happened.”
“I could have….then it wouldn’t have happened.”
“If he hadn’t done ______________then she would have been better off.”
WE CAN SHOULDA, COULDA, WOULDA & BLAME OURSELVES & OTHERS TO DEATH INTO A DEEP, PIT OF DESPAIR THAT ONLY ADDS EXTRA PAIN TO THE GRIEF.
Don’t be shocked when and if these instincts show up. That’s all they are: instincts.
And remember instinct/survival brain only serves one purpose: survival. Not growth, not peace, not love, & not fulfillment.
BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO BELIEVE THEM & LET THEM TAKE UP SPACE IN YOUR MIND.
This is just a way that our brain will try to help us avoid this painful situation in the future but when we get stuck here, it only adds more pain & suffering
It’s necessary to process grief by letting yourself feel the sadness, feel the loss, cry if & when you need to.
BUT PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR & DON’T ADD ON UNNECESSARY SUFFERING BY FIGHTING AGAINST WHAT HAPPENED, ARGUING WITH REALITY OR BLAMING YOURSELF OR OTHERS.
IT ONLY ADDS PRIMITIVE BRAIN SURVIVAL TO THE FIRE OF GRIEF & IT’S NOT NECESSARY.
IT’S JUST LETTING YOUR BRAIN FOCUS ON “WHAT IS WRONG”…THIS ONLY CREATES SEEING MORE OF “WHAT IS WRONG”.
WE WILL OFTEN GRAB FOOD SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS PIECE OF THE SURVIVAL BRAIN PROCESS…
NONE OF THIS CREATES RELIEF OR HEALING.
IT CAN BE REALLY TEMPTING TO STAY HERE & GET STUCK HERE.
You get to choose what you focus on. It doesn’t have to be focusing on “what’s wrong”.
WHAT DOES CREATE RELIEF & HEALING:
CHOOSE TO FOCUS ON THE LESSON & THE LOVE
I truly believe that NONE of us is supposed to have the same journey here on this planet.
I like to look at our journey on this planet like a school & our life’s journey is our curriculum.
I don’t think anybody’s curriculum is supposed to look the same, AT ALL.
LETTING OURSELVES CRY WHEN WE NEED TO
TALKING TO A FRIEND ABOUT OUR GRIEF WHEN WE NEED TO
BEATING UP A PILLOW WHEN WE NEED TO
WRITING DOWN ALL OUR THOUGHTS & FEELINGS WITHOUT EDITING
TAKE ALL THE QUIET TIME WE NEED TO & BE BY OURSELVES
TAKE A VACATION FROM IT
LISTENING TO SOFT MUSIC
CUDDLING WITH A LOVED ONE (HUMAN OR PET)
WHATEVER GIVES YOU COMFORT WITHOUT SEEKING FOOD…
AND ALSO FOCUS ON:
THE IDEA THAT NOBODY DIES BEFORE IT IS THEIR TIME
THE IDEA THAT EVERYTHING COULD BE UNFOLDING FOR YOUR HIGHEST GOOD
THE IDEA THAT EVERYTHING IS UNFOLDING FOR THE PERSON’S HIGHEST GOOD & TO TRY & CONTROL IT, ONLY CAUSES YOU SUFFERING
THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED IN THIS PART OF YOUR CURRICULUM ON THE PLANET
THE LESSON THAT PERSON COULD LEARN AS PART OF HIS/HER CURRICULUM ON THE PLANET
WHAT WAS/IS PERFECT ABOUT THE SITUATION
WHAT WAS/IS PERFECT ABOUT THE PERSON
WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT THE PERSON
WHAT YOU LOVED ABOUT THE SITUATION
HOW COULD THIS BE EXACTLY WHAT PEOPLE REALLY NEEDED MOST FOR THEIR HIGHEST GOOD.
I’m not saying this is easy, but it is totally possible…& can help tremendously with the heaviness & pain of grief.
IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HOW TO PROCESS GRIEF & OTHER EMOTIONS THAT CAUSE YOU TO OVER EAT…