YOU CAN’T BEAT YOURSELF UP INTO LONG-LASTING WEIGHT-LOSS:
LET ME TEACH YOU TO START BEING KIND TO YOURSELF!!
In the last post, I talked about starting from a place of compassion by recognizing that all it means when we are looking for “what’s wrong” is that our normal human brain is trying to avoid “danger” AKA: “It’s so scary to change my eating habits, what if I die from fear!!??”
LET ME OFFER ANOTHER OPTION TO THE BRAIN LOOKING FOR WHAT’S WRONG:
SELF-COMPASSIONATE QUESTIONS & THOUGHTS
COMPASSIONATELY QUESTION ALL YOUR THOUGHTS:
LOOK AT YOUR BRAIN LIKE A SMALL CHILD, A PUPPY, KITTY, BABY BIRD OR WHATEVER SMALL CREATURE YOU LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY…
THEN QUESTION YOUR BRAIN & ASK YOURSELF IF TALKING TO YOURSELF WITH THE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS HAVE EVER BEEN EFFECTIVE FOR LASTING CHANGE…REAL LASTING CHANGE, NOT JUST A TEMPORARY SELF-LASHING INTO A RESULT…BUT LASTING CHANGE THAT GAVE YOU GREATER ACCESS TO YOUR BEST SELF.
THEN QUESTION YOUR BRAIN & ASK YOURSELF IF TALKING TO YOURSELF WITH THE NEGATIVE STATEMENTS HAVE EVER BEEN EFFECTIVE FOR LASTING CHANGE…REAL LASTING CHANGE, NOT JUST A TEMPORARY SELF-LASHING INTO A RESULT…BUT LASTING CHANGE THAT GAVE YOU GREATER ACCESS TO YOUR BEST SELF.
DID YOU KNOW ALL THOUGHTS ARE OPTIONAL? WHAT? YEP. I SAID IT. ALL THOUGHTS ARE OPTIONAL…
So why do we keep choosing to think the self-critical thoughts mentioned above.
WELL, WHAT IF THERE IS A REALLY GOOD REASON FOR THEM? I’M HERE TO TELL YOU THERE IS!
Our brains are wired for survival. Our brains seek to be as efficient as possible, to use the energy & calories as efficiently as possible.
OUR BRAINS ARE AMAZING…AND…SOMETIMES THEY CAN BE OUR OWN WORST ENEMY WHEN WE DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON.
One amazing thing our brains do is delegate as much of our thought processing as possible down to more of the primitive/wired for survival part of our brain.
It does this because our brain is wired to be efficient. It delegates thoughts to this survival brain space because it takes less energy and is well, efficient.
The challenge is when we don’t understand this (even on a basic level-and understanding even on a basic level is really powerful) is that we don’t understand that our brains basically put tons of thoughts & questions on auto-pilot.
This is why these default questions & thoughts “feel true” but they are basically just semi-conscious or subconscious habits. Habitual thoughts. That’s it.
We USUALLY don’t think to stop and question if we really want to believe them or if they are true, they just run in the back ground and “feel true” & we buy into it. We default to them, we react to them as if they are true & this is why it can feel “so hard to change”.
What if all those anti-self-compassion thoughts I mentioned above aren’t true?
What if they are GARBAGE or rather, just our survival brain’s instincts to help keep us alive? Chew on that for a minute.
What if you could really believe or ask the exact opposite?
What if you could INSTEAD approach yourself more like this…?
“What can I learn from this?
“I wonder why I’m doing this? I bet there’s a fascinating reason for it. I can’t wait to figure that fascinating reason out!”
“What if I’m not “misbehaving?”
“What if there is nothing wrong with me?”
“What if I just haven’t figured it out yet?”
“How can I look at myself & my behaviors with curiosity & compassion?”
“What if there’s actually a really great reason for why I keep repeating similar
patterns?”
“What if ALL it means I’m human & have a normal functioning human brain?”
(THEN I LOVE ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TOO-BRINGS A TON OF COMPASSION WHEN OUR BRAINS WANT TO JUDGE OTHERS).
YES, LET ME REPEAT THAT: WHAT IF YOU HAVE A NORMAL FUNCTIONING HUMAN BRAIN??? WHAT IF NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your brain may start to argue with you here-yeah right, Candy, whatever, I can’t just “choose different thoughts” or that “feels fake to think positive thoughts” or “there really is something wrong with me”.
Well, if your brain went there, (which is really normal) ask yourself compassionately: what if there’s a good reason for that? What possibilities could open up if I allowed myself to even consider that I could choose different thoughts or that there really isn’t anything wrong with me.
**(I’m not saying that some people’s brains don’t have special needs or mental illness, this is NOT what I’m talking about-I’m talking about the human brain’s instinct to default to the negative (negativity bias), to the repeated negative thoughts that have become habits.)
Our brains really do delegate as much info down to the survival part of our brains as possible, so for today, if your brain went to the space of yeah right or wants to argue and say something really is wrong with you…take a step back & ask, what if there’s a good reason my brain thought that…and what if there’s nothing wrong with me…PLAY WITH THAT FOR A WHILE—WHICH ONE FEELS BETTER: WHAT IF I JUST HAVE A HUMAN BRAIN OR SOMETHING IS SO WRONG WITH ME???
HUGS & LOVES TO YOU,
CANDY
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